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Hearts and Thoughts; Epilogue to "All Over but the Crying"; H/W

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Aug. 31st, 2007 | 07:47 pm
posted by: simple__man in simple__stuff

Title: Hearts and Thoughts
Pairing: House/Wilson
WARNING: mentions of character death
A/N: Epilogue to All Over but the Crying. annalully asked for a prequel, but this wanted to be written instead. Go figure ^^

Large Internet bonus points to anyone who can tell me the song and band from which I took the title. No googling, you buncha cheaters!!

The House who exists in this post-Wilson fog is not the same House that once terrorized the halls of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, flanked by his seemingly ever-present friend and companion.

He is not even the same House who had once lived and breathed without the knowledge of James Wilson, knowledge that has somehow seeped into his every organ, cell, molecule; his very atoms still vibrate in tune with a man who is now nothing more than ashes.

Outwardly, there is no change. All of the myriad things that filled his days before Wilson's death still somehow eat away at the time. He tortures his subordinates with impunity, he listens to Cuddy's tirades as much as he ever did, his patients are still open to ridicule and scorn.

He laughs, he yells, he schemes, he avoids work, he leers at the newest member of his team, he dodges his parent's visits, he dodges Wilson's parent's visits, he hates Wilson's replacement...and yet, House does not hate Wilson's replacement as much as he thought he would. He doesn't even hate her as much as he thinks he should.

For this reason, he never gives her more than the barest of attentions. Anything more would be nothing short of traitorous, and his continued living is betrayal enough. A man can only live with so much guilt.

He had thought that he would go insane. He had been sure of it. Throughout Wilson's illness and beyond, he had held onto the idea of insanity, and yes, even suicide, as tightly as a drowning man. Wilson's declaration of love had knocked the last bit of air from him, and with it, his last hope of succumbing.

House loves a man who is dead, which surely must be the definition of insanity, but he is now more sane than he's ever been before. There is a certain cruelty in this, and some part of him will never forgive Wilson for it. Leaving him alone, with this much clarity of want and need and purpose, with no way to ever fulfill those same desires...

He can't decide if not knowing would have been kinder; but, given the choice, he could never relinquish the knowledge of Jimmy's love for him.

Even if the knowledge forces him to live, and live, and live.

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Comments {4}


(no subject)

from: margi_lynn
date: Sep. 5th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)

Damn. This shit is powerful writing. I had to go read the other fic first of course and I now offically look like a dork, crying.

Very beautiful and emotional. I like that living = knowledge and
that dying = reliquishment.

Wow. *mems*

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(no subject)

from: severania
date: Jun. 11th, 2008 04:30 pm (UTC)

Hearts and thoughts by pearl jam

"hearts andhoughts they fade fade away I changed by not vhangin' at all..." etc.

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(no subject)

from: nightporters
date: Jun. 29th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)

Been in that fog (family not lover). Know it well.

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Nicky Tai

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from: simple__man
date: Jul. 1st, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)

*nods* It's the mind's way of coping, I think.

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