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Insomniac Interlude; an H/W short

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May. 29th, 2008 | 12:20 am
location: in bed
mood: sleepy
posted by: simple__man in simple__stuff

Title: Insomnia Interlude

Pairing: House/Wilson (ish)

SPOILER WARNING: Season 4 finale

A/N: This season has mostly left me cold, but I needed to write this. It feels unfinished, and probably is. I'll apologize ahead of time ^^ Thanks for reading.



It is distressingly easy to get over the woman who was almost his wife.

The pain of her loss is no longer an hourly (minutely, secondly) kick to the diaphragm. Oddly, the sharp stabs to his heart that felt as if they would never fade have gentled down into a dull, throbbing ache that he can almost forget about, that he does forget about, for seemingly interminable stretches of time.

He is almost surprised at how cold and indifferent he has become. Almost.

He has done this three times before. Somehow, what was once Amber has drifted away into the ether. She is another woman lost, another somewhat-family broken, another daydream of a happy future scattered to the four winds.

Wilson is forgetting her with heartbreaking swiftness, but no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to forget House. In contrast, the pain of his loss is unending, unceasing, blinding in its intensity, and he can find no way to disconnect himself from it.

Who knew how closely the ties that bind had wrapped him up in House and House's overwhelming need? Had House known all along? Had Amber's death or his own (and it very well should have been him accompanying House on that last fateful trip, and well they both know it) been the inevitable cost of daring to be his friend?

He ponders the problem in all places, at all times. There is no Amber to take away the pain of not having House, and there is no House to take away the pain of not having Amber.

Cyclical and sickening. He hates himself most in the early wee hours of the morning, when he finds himself missing House more than the woman he loved and lost.

3:00 a.m. The clock stares at him with unblinking starkness, and he stares at the clock with bleak acceptance.

The Bitching Hour, House always called it, his slurred and sleepy voice rousing Wilson from the depths of his own dreams to listen to this or that possible diagnosis, to pick him up, to bail him out, to talk him through this night's pain, to be both needy and needed, confessor and confessed.

It is at this hour, missing House and all his capriciousness, his childish whims tantrums moods, that Wilson realizes with the absolute clarity of the insomniac what he has perhaps known all along. He does not hate House.

No, it is even more simple and uncomplicated than that. He cannot hate House.

House is a force of nature, a hurricane of passions, a tornado of intellect that lays waste to all that stands in its way. He can cry to the heavens, shake his fist at the storm, but he can no more hate House than he can hate nature itself.

House's nature is to need. Wilson's nature is to be needed. What chance did Amber (or Stacy, or any one of his wives, or any other innocent bystander) have in the oncoming onslaught of their perfectly matched, mutually destructive personalities?

If he is honest with himself, and how rarely he is, he knows that Amber was only ever a stand-in for what he cannot allow himself to want or have. Perhaps that's only partly true and how he hopes that it is. He despises himself for his weakness, even as he shoulders up to the burden of its truth.

In any case, his feelings for Amber are intertwined with his feelings for House, and he has lost Amber. He cannot bear to lose House.

He sleepwalks into his pants, his shirt, a mostly-clean sweatshirt, worn and ratty tennis shoes. His keys are in his hand, his hands behind the wheel, his car backing down the driveway before he truly realizes that he is awake and wonders just exactly where he's headed.

He could take the right that leads him to House's apartment, but he is already making the left toward the hospital.

Inevitable. Inexorable. He is drawn to House, has always been drawn to House. There is an internal compass, sleeping quietly within, that knows exactly where House will be, where House is going, where House should be, where House will never, ever attempt to go.

Minutes later, perhaps hours, he kneels beside House's chair, speaks to his slack, sleeping face. It is the first non-medical statement that he has made in House's direction in months.

"I understand you now."

Wilson is unsurprised when House's sharp eyes snap open immediately, fixing upon him with unabashed intensity. The wary look hiding behind those eyes does surprise him. In fact, it shocks him down to his very core, perhaps more than any insane thing that House has ever said or done.

He wonders if House fears being understood more than anything else.

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Comments {16}

wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: May. 29th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
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mm i like this :)
it still makes me sad to think of wilson, that damn finale, i cried for ages.

it's funny, i just thought of you last night, missed you!

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: May. 29th, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad, thanks ^^ Yeah, that hurt me badly. House hurt me the most, though, and I imagine I'll have to write his reaction...as soon as he stops bawling like a baby!

Aww, that's sweet. You talked me up, apparently, I felt this insane urge to get something written. We'll blame you!

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: May. 29th, 2008 09:24 pm (UTC)
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yeah, me too, i was so hurt by what he said to amber at the end, just the thought of him not having wilson :(

haha sorry, feel free to blame me any time.

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: May. 30th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
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yeah that made me ache inside. I was quite literally in tears. All these stupid finales lately have been heart wrenching, it's awful.

will do ^^

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: May. 30th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
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yeah, god, i thought torchwood season two was terrible (it was), but then house came on. god. i cried for an hour afterwards.

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: May. 31st, 2008 12:33 am (UTC)
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It was, it was. And then Bones shattered me, and then House came on right after and messed me up. And then Supernatural fucked me right up.

The only thing I have to hang onto now is Doctor Who, and I have a bad feeling that finale is gonna strongly screw us all over.

*wail*

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: May. 31st, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)
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god yeah, i don't know *what* they're going to do with that finale... it's going to be soooo much crack. and RTD likes to crush us.

aww poor nicky *pets*

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: May. 31st, 2008 04:39 am (UTC)
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I totally agree. And I'm still not ever the second season finale...although, Donna helps to make up for it. I luff Donna so much. If something happens to her, I'm finding RTD and killing him with large amounts of death.

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: May. 31st, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
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i'll definitely be joining you in the large amounts of death, donna is amazing. i didn't like her during runaway bride, but she's so great this season. and it's wonderful having a companion that isn't in love with the doctor.

but at least this is RTD's last chance to mess up a full season! i am so happy steven moffat is replacing him... RTD did do great things, but it is time to go, lol.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: Jun. 2nd, 2008 06:09 am (UTC)
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I must be the only person who did like her during Runaway Bride. almost everyone I've seen has only started liking her this season. Donna's my kind of girl.

Absolutely, there's this big sister vibe that I just adore. He needs someone who isn't in love with him or in awe of him, it does him good.

Total agreement. ^^

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: Jun. 2nd, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
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haha i think there are others, but they are few in number. i've loved her since partners in crime though, and at the end of poison sky when she slapped the doctor i was like "omg she's just like me!" lol. i do however lack her amazing boobage.

yeah, someone who doesn't fall for the "i'm going to show you this amazing ice storm in the farthest galaxy..." crap.

have you see silence in the library yet? it was moffat, but it was so not up to par... hopefully the second part is.

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: Jun. 7th, 2008 01:42 am (UTC)
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I love the sisterly smacks, they make me want to put my head in her lap and tell her all my troubles. I think the Doctor probably finds himself telling her so much more than he likes to, just because she is so sisterly. Although I do sort of fancy her as a love interest, just bc she's the only one who might even be close to a partner.

I saw it, and I really wasn't impressed. The addition of the Love Interest of the Future really pissed me right off. Mary Sue FF.NET bullshit, much? Gag me.

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wanna see a magic trick?

(no subject)

from: phoenixangel13
date: Jun. 7th, 2008 02:24 am (UTC)
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aw :). yeah, it almost seems like she's very well suited as a love interest simply because they aren't trying too hard to make her one. like the best-friends-first sort of love interest, minus the will-they-won't-they. and because she can see his faults, they're on a much more level playing field.

yep, same here, she pissed me off a lot, maybe the second part will make her better, but i was like "wtf? she's too old for us to actually have her in the future, and yet she's seen him in this incarnation, so this is beyond fucked." and she's obviously in love with him, and acts as if he reciprocates it, and even though i am all kinds of for the doctor being a sexual being, it still doesn't sound like him. also matrix ripoff on the way it seems, and the monster is no where near as good as usual. lol.

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(no subject)

from: nightporters
date: Jun. 4th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
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It's a bit difficult to comment on the content as I only watch TW and DW, but the writing is awesome.

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Nicky Tai

(no subject)

from: simple__man
date: Jun. 7th, 2008 01:39 am (UTC)
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That's quite alright, I appreciate it ^^ I need to write some TW/DW, but I find myself a little intimidated as yet. Maybe with more obsessive watching ^^

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(no subject)

from: nightporters
date: Jun. 7th, 2008 05:57 am (UTC)
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Intimidated? I hear the same things about the House fandom so I've not ventured there. But obsessive Janto watching sounds good to me. You are going to write them, aren't you?

I am begging btw. We've got to get the level above 13 years olds.

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